[REC]s: Hawaii Five-o, Steve/Danny

[taliahale]

 My knowledge of Five-o canon is spotty at best.  I’ve seen a handful of episodes and was, uh, less than impressed.  But as we all know, sometimes the shittiest canons lead to incredibly rich fanworks (fix all the things destroyed by TPTB!) which is the case here.  I’m sure there are some lovely gen works for H5O, but I haven’t read them.  If you have, feel free to rec them in the comments, but what you’re getting here is all Steve/Danny.  How am I supposed to resist the ridiculousness?

Curving Like the Ocean Toward You by gyzym.  Explicit, 19,000+ words.  It's some sort of rule that if gyzym wades into a fandom, however briefly, the resulting fic will send me into paroxysms of joy with its perfection.  There's accidental courting through nesting, and hothotsex, and it's sharp and heartbreaking and just read it now, 'kay guys?

"I have several things against white couches.  Thing one, stains.  Thing two, stains.  Thing three, you would not be considering this couch if you'd even once had to deal with a small child for more than five minutes, because, I say again, stains.  Thing four, even if your super-human ass never spilled so much as drop of anything on this, I give it, like, a year before it starts to look all ratty and--"

"Okay, okay," Steve says, and he's actually laughing now, this is encouraging.  Maybe all Danny has to do is carefully balance insults and insight for the rest of this process--and hey, really, that's practically his job description anyway, so it's not like it'll be hard.

"Now this one," Danny says, leading Steve over to a weathered leather sectional, "this one is a shining paragon of all things holy.  This, my friend, is a couch.  This is--"

"Four thousand dollars," Steve says sputtering, "Danny, oh my god, what the hell would I do with a four thousand dollar couch, does it grow legs, does it do the dishes for me--"

"Like you'd ever let the couch do your dishes for you," Danny scoffs.  "The finished product would undoubtedly not live up to your stringent military standards."

Fix Definitely as Desired by giddygeek.  Mature, 15,000+ words.  A surefire winner in my book is a story about the main characters and their complete and utter failure to effectively communicate.  That...that is definitely what happens here.

'I am dealing with this.  I am a calm and rational motherfucking adult.  So please tell me you're not sleeping with me because of how bad you hate my place, because otherwise I am going to lose the calm and the rational and the adult, and I am just going to kick your ass."

Steve looks at him, all blank-faced stillness.

Danny groans scrubs his hands over his cheeks, says, "Are you actually, are you standing there, trying not to tell me that you pimped yourself out over real estate?"

Steve jerks his shoulder, sort of a nonchalant shrug, except it seems more like the twitch of someone who has never been nonchalant in his life and isn't about to start now.  "It wasn't pimping," he says, like he's trying for indignant, for normal, but he can't quite get there because he's trying to defend himself against the charge that he thought of sleeping with his partner as a problem-solver.

hoʻokāne by siria.  Explicit, 13,000+ words, Marriage of Convenience Canon-Divergence AU.  It is a truth universally acknowledged that a fandom in possession of an OTP must be in want of MoC-fic.  And this one is so very, very good.  Comes complete with: non-obnoxious dialogues involving a child who doesn't speak like an adult, domesticity, Danny being continually horrified by Steve's complete disregard for normal human behavior, the team being awesome, and some hot, hot married-sex.

"It was a tactical decision.  Got us our objective with the minimum of fuss, and it's a plausible scenario."

"Plausible?" Danny said, spitting out each consonant as if it had personally offended him.

"We've known one another for a while, we hang out a lot," Steve said, "plus you're a cop and I'm Navy, makes sense that we wouldn't be up front about stuff like this."

"Where by 'stuff like this,'" Danny said, deadpan, "you mean our secret gay love affair?"

Steve folded his arms.  "Exactly."

Love's a Battlefield (And the Navy Did Not Train Steve for This Shit) by cyerus.  Explicit, 12,000+ words.  There's a level of sheer ridiculousness to the entire affair that I should find off-putting, but cy is the same sneaky little shit who got me teary-eyed over a fic in which John Watson used to be a bomb-sniffing dog, so I don't really know what I was expecting.  Steve makes up a fake boyfriend named Danny so his friends stop with the matchmaking.  Then Steve meets Danny.

Steve nearly whines as his phone beeps with another incoming text, and he doesn't have to look at it to know it's along the lines of 'this isnt funny steve she will kill you with fire.'  "Can we just go?  I'll explain more on the way."

"No," Williams says slowly, "no, I get it.  You made up a boyfriend to get out of some kind of family obligation, possibly because you're an idiot, more likely because you have the emotional maturity of a hyena that thinks snatching people off the street is a socially acceptable way to ask someone out.  But now everything's coming back to bite you in the ass, and you need me to play Danny the loving partner so you can keep sitting on your throne of lies."

"That's...exactly it, yeah."  Steve gazes down at Williams in surprise, and not a little paranoia.  "How did you know that?"

Mamo's Books and Music by mermaid.  Mature, 28,000+ words, Bookstore AU.  This was written for leupagus's 'Damn, Your Fandom Is Good At What You Do' Fest, which resulted in a lot of fun fics, but this was a personal favorite.  Please note the warnings, as mermaid wrote a brilliant, very true-to-life depiction of an injured vet in AU!Steve (complete with mobility issues, chronic pain, psychological trauma, and references to combat injuries and death), which may be upsetting to some.

"He bugs me for wearing a tie.  Otherwise we're doing just fine."

"Well, the tie does make you look out of place."  Steve lowers his voice.  "But mostly I want to yank it off so I can lick that hollow at the base of your throat.  Or maybe suck a bruise into that soft smooth skin, low down on your neck, where it'll be hidden by your collar."

"Goddamn, Steve," Danny breathes, biting his lip as he looks up at Steve.  "You trying to make me forget my plan?"

"No, no,"Steve says.  "I agree with the plan.  But didn't you tell me it was important to have things to look forward to?"

measure out your life by isawet.  Not Rated (I'd say Teen and Up), 7,000+ words, Coffeeshop AU.  When he moves to Hawaii, Danny gives up policework and opens a coffee shop.  Kono's his employee (who's dating the head of the Japanese mafia).  Chin and Steve are cops.  It all kind of goes downhill from there.

"I don't understand why you're being so difficult."

Danny shrugs.  "I don't understand why you're being so crazy."

"I have feelings," Steve says, stilted.

"Congratulations," Danny says, "you're a real human being."

"For you," Steve clarifies, and then freezes.  "About you," he says quickly, "no for--about--your safety."

"Thank you," Danny says.  "I think."

Some Things to Think About When You Decide to Be an Asshole by sutlers.  Explicit, 6,000+ words.  Oh boys.  Steve gets high and tries to fuck Danny; things devolve from there.

Danny gets away with a lot of shit when it comes to Steve, like eating Steve's food and breaking into his house, all of the yelling they do at each other.  People who have just met Danny tend to think he's reckless but Danny knows he really isn't: he's just good at figuring out where the real boundaries are, what's actually off-limits and what can be worked around, when to push and when he really should have backed the fuck off for the sake of everyone involved, because Jesus Christ, he just let Steve McGarrett suck his dick.

This Thing of Ours (It Needs a Better Name) by leupagus.  Explicit, 35,000+ words, Mafia AU.  Organized crime, sassiness, Rachel and Stan being fabulous, the team being awesome, forbidden love, and, ya know, all the good stuff.

"And by the way, we never had that talk about how you were using police investigations to sexually harass me."

"You can't harass the willing," Danny dismisses.  he takes the other end of the cuff and pulls it slowly toward the bedpost, watching Steve watch him.  The snap sounds very loud.

"Still got the other hand free," Steve says, not trying to hide how turned on he is anymore as his gaze flicks down to Danny's tie.

"See, we're learning all sorts of things about each other tonight," Danny says, and tugs at the knot, getting it just loose enough to slip over his head.  "Our favorite weaponry, our dirty little kinks.  Maybe later we'll talk about our favorite food, what kind of music we like--"

"You've got an unhealthy obsession with coco puffs," Steve interrupts, threading his left hand through the loop and swallowing loudly when Danny tightens it around his wrist.  "You like Bon Jovi's early stuff, Springsteen's later stuff, and any time Nina Simone ever opened her mouth."

Danny tries to focus on tying the ends of his tie to the other bedpost, but he has to kiss Steve for that, get his hands on Steve's hip and shoulder and press him down into the bed.  It shouldn't be such a turn-on--he's had people on his tail before who knew more about his life than he did.  Mostly it was creepy, not to mention a little discouraging.  he does his job and he's good at it, but he knows how ugly he is under the microscope.

But Steve has a file somewhere, thick with scribbled notes and observations, witness statements.  he knows the things Danny's done and he's still here, licking into Danny's mouth, groaning like just this is good enough for him, and jesus, it's good enough for Danny, too.